March 18th

Happy St Patrick's Day, a day late but it still works

I forgot about the holiday completely too, until I got to work and someone had brought green cupcakes. hehe whoops.
Today was stressful like no other mainly because I was closing again and that meant stress and me swearing in french. I was alone and my poor sick manager had to deal with my ignorance and stupidity. I was of course late but I got a ride home where I got to get to know my manager a little more. That part was actually good, I learned a bit about him and how he had a terrible 1st wife that was Mormon. To me she sounded psychotic but at the same time I knew where she was coming from because I am from that same culture. I know what she was trying to do but I also have seen the other side and I realize (whether this just means I will have a nice place in the lower kingdom) that we don't need to follow to the T some of the cultural rules put on us as members.

I am not saying that going to church is something we can do only 50% of the time. No, you need to go to church and follow the Commandments and uphold the covenants that we have taken. What I am talking about is that idea of being married right outside of high school, or being really good at family history. I hate the idea of 'flirt to convert' or 'he will change for me' both are very selfish but are taken up by many girls at the BYU universities. Especially those looking for their MRS degrees. I am finally out of that overpowering culture and now more then ever I am seeing the direct disaster that it is.

I guess you can say I am in a bad mood right now, mainly because of the stress I had to endure and do it with a Disney attitude. I accomplished it but without the grace that I desired. I don't understand what is going on, I have been here two months and I wish that I felt more at home but I haven't felt at home in a place since I left home in 2004. I also have this evil feeling of inadequacy, I feel with all the experience in my life and all the situations I have been in wouldn't I be better prepared for life? But I have the answers already and I don't need a lecture from anyone, so don't worry by tomorrow I will be feeling better and will probably forget everything I just wrote. If anything this is just another de-stresser along with the fudge pop I am eating.

I hope everyone is happy and healthy and hopefully in a better mood, congrats to all that have life changing events going on in their life and good luck adjusting to them.